The Moment

Be in the moment -- my moment is discontented with what I could be doing in that moment which is other than what I'm doing. I can't be in the moment. I have to stand outside of the moment, like being in outterspace looking at the Earth, that there is so much more than the square of sidewalk I'm on.

One moment out of many -- forgiving perspective; yet, sometimes I just want to hide. Sensory overload. Too much energy. Not there, my energy is calling for something else. I just don't fit into the moment. I feel that I don't fit into most moments -- unless I'm being productive. Hung up on practicality. Ironically, just breathing is all I have going for me right now. I don't believe in "just breathe." It doesn't help anything. Breathing is involuntary anyway.

Put my energy out there, even without incentive of return. Came back to me with a chance, the potential of receiving that return. Pleading with the Universe. Regrets and more negative energy spent, that I didn't say enough, didn't show enough interest. My persistent following up proved my interest. Unnerving feeling between just knowing and the inconvenient, unnecessary doubts that won't change a thing, that crowd out the relative peace. Please, I feel sick with anxiety induced nausea and a chipping away of the spirit. Tears to release an energy between worry and joy.